I Am Matt
by Blake And Edge
Summary: I am Matt. It doesn't matter what happened to Mail Jeevas, he isn't me and I'm not him. I wasn't alive until I met Mello, but at the same time, I was never more dead.   Fic based on how Matt became Matt and his relationship with Mello. Matt/Mello. Drugs.
1. Prologue

**Title: I Am Matt**

Prologue

Mail Jeevas was a sad little boy whose parents abandoned. Mail Jeevas was a pathetic waste of flesh and skin. He had no dreams and absolutely no aspirations. Mail Jeevas was a fucking fool, okay? A redheaded idiotic son of a gun! I am not Mail Jeevas. I swear to your fucking god that I am not.

Mail Jeevas was kind and sympathetic. He was found by an old guy called Quillish Wammy who brought him to an orphanage for incredibly gifted children. Mail Jeevas was too pathetic to make it on his own. His sympathy made him weak. He was way too fucking pathetic to make it all by himself at the age of 6. He needed to be directed to what he should do and who he should be. So, Mail Jeevas was groomed to be the next L, and Mail Jeevas did as he was told.

Mail Jeevas dragged himself from class to class doing fantastically well. He was always first, just like they wanted him to be. People always complimented him, so why the fuck did he feel so hollow? Why was he dissatisfied? Why the fuck was he so lonely? Why wasn't it good enough?

One day, a boy who had named himself Mello came to the Orphanage, just like Mail Jeevas had. The minute the blonde new boy spotted him, he walked up and all the loneliness was taken away. He took all of Mail Jeevas's doubts and thoughts and fears and beliefs and replaced them with something he knew. He took everything that made Mail Jeevas who he is and replaced it with a new being, a completely new entity. Mello called him Matt.

I am Matt.

**Authors Note: Hi Guys! Edge here from the Blake and Edge team! Basically, this is another solofic for the Bledge team, making this a Edgefic (don't get it? Check out the profile lol) anyways I was trying to write a poem about this but I kept getting a bunch of ideas so I was kind of like "SCREW THIS SHIT!" and decided to make it an actual fanfic :3 I hoped you guys all enjoyed it, it was fun to write. I'll update with the new chapter as soon as I can :3**

**Peace in!**

**Edge Maleficent Noire :3**

**Question Of The Day: What's your favorite band? :3 **


	2. Chapter 1

**Title: I Am Matt**

Chapter One

My story starts like everybody else's; in the beginning. My beginning, my "birth", if you will, just wasn't the day I was born. I wasn't living until Mello came in and showed me whom I was; yet, I've never felt so dead, either.

"And you must be Jeevas,"

"Uh. Yeah, that's me," I answered even though he didn't say it like a question. There wasn't an inch of doubt in his voice. He had a feel of overconfidence that I intimidated me, but at the same time gave me immediate admiration.

"Not any more it's not. Fuck Mail Jeevas. Fuck everything you have. It's not important, they aren't important!" I blinked and listen to the words he had to say. Could you blame me? I was eight. His words clicked with me and in a moment the whole world started making sense. In minutes he had me at his feet, ready to do anything. That's the kind of power Mello has.

"Well, if I'm not Mail Jeevas, who am I supposed to be?" I asked afraid of what my answer might be; yet anticipating his every word.

There was a pause where Mello looked deep in thought, before he snapped his fingers and a smirk sprayed across his face.

"You're Matt now," I accepted what he said as the universal truth. Who I was wasn't important any more; I was Matt, whoever _Matt_ was.

Trust me though, over the next few months, I did learn who Matt was. He was snarky and shy; a gamer and a computer geek; he was loyal and determined; open minded and quick witted. He was everything and anything and nothing that Mello needed him to me, and I learnt how to act the part rather quickly.

I stopped forcing myself and slipped down to second best. I started to play videogames nonstop and educated myself on everything I could that revolved around computers. Mello wasn't mean to me; he just knew what he wanted and wouldn't accept anything but perfection from everyone around him. He saw me suffering as Mail Jeevas, so he killed that man and made me who I am today. As I told you, I am not that fucking cunt bag.

Mello became my best friend and confidant, and he touched everybody at Wammy's, not just me. Everybody else started using fake names and talking in code and trying harder to succeed. Everybody wanted to please the blonde hair lawbreaker.

That is, until a white haired boy known as Near came in to the picture.

Near was a small, white haired boy who came from god knows where. When we were 10, he took all of Mello's highest scores and made them better. He stomped on all his records, the happiness and life he built and blew on his castle of cards that I tried to stop from falling down.

Mello crashed and burn when Near kicked him off his pedestal. He built an inferiority complex and studied harder before. Anger built up inside of him and if the mood struck him, he'd struck me. He was an emotional wreck, losing everything he stood for and all the people closest to him. It's like Near was the pin that popped the happy living bubble, and everybody went back to how they were, except Mello and I.

I watched as the beautiful life known as Mello broke into pieces. He talked about suicide and death and leaving Wammy's, but he wanted much too much to become the next L. I was selfish and channeled all of his determination into that so he would strive and stay here, so that I could be with him. I couldn't bear to watch him leave me or to lose him, and none of his plans included me.

One day, I noticed he wasn't in our Psychology class and quickly ran to our bedroom to make sure he wasn't sick or hurt only to find him curled up in a ball on the bed, a needle beside him as he whispered something incoherent to anybody who would listen. I slammed the door shut and pushed my orange goggles he had bought me that Christmas onto the top of my head and wrapped the blonde boy into my arms. He whispered things I couldn't understand, his pupils incredibly dilated and I cried. The more I cried, the worst he got and the more paranoid he acted, but I couldn't stop. He was all I had, the very reason Matt existed was for Mello, and Mello was slowly killing himself, loosing him self for surreal illusions.

I can't tell you how much time we spent there tangled in each other's arms. I can tell you however, that Mello randomly jumped out of the bed and and picked me up by the shirt with strength I didn't know he possessed. He looked at me with those big icy blue eyes of his and slapped me.

He let go of me and I dropped to the ground with a thud. He kicked me, and I slid across the room. I could see blood spewing from my nose, I could feel my skin bruise instantly, and despite my crying, despite my pain and screaming, Mello did nothing but continue. The beautiful soul I once knew was replaced, like someone told him he had to be a new entity too.

The beating stopped and he fell to his knees beside me, he demanded I told whom I worked for and for all of my money. I just stared wide-eyed as my Mello crashed and burned and looked around the room for the something with value. Ten year olds don't go through the shit Mello was doing or the shit I was getting, yet it was happening. All of the light in Mello's soul was being extinguished.

"You're fucking pathetic. Just like everybody else you're absolutely fucking pathetic," He whispered into my ear before jumping up and walking out the bedroom door to god knows where.

I lied there motionless, starring at the door for a few minutes before I dragged myself towards the bathroom. I stripped and turned the shower on so it was scolding hot and washed all the blood off with my eyes clothes, I didn't want to see the bruised and torn flesh. I didn't want to accept that My Mello would do such a thing, so I simply didn't.

It's the story of my life and I'm already a secondary character.

Authors Note: Heylo my little minions! :3 Edge here :3 Okay, so I actually know absolutely nothing about drugs. Personally, I'm straightedge, if you aren't that's kool, I honestly don't care, it is your life after all, but all I'm getting at is that I got the idea for Mello to be on drugs halfway through writing this, and decided to fit it in as a minor, smaller, less important plotline then the major one that is the story of Matt. Lol :3 Anyways, all of my information is based off of Google, so if you'd like to inform me and make me less ignorant, that would be kool :3 Anyways hope you liked it, please review, I love hearing from you guys!

**Peace in!**

**Edge Maleficent Noire :3**

**Question Of The Day: What's your favorite colour?**


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